I just came back from a trip to Utah with my sister and my parents. The drive is long there and then coming back also, having to stop in north Idaho.
Today I am tired. I have buried both of my grandmothers this last month. I am not sad about that. I will miss them, but time moves on and it is much needed.
I am a white woman, in love with a black man. In my grandmothers' time, this would have been a huge no no. In my family, I broke this mold. I have been attracted to dark skinned men since I was a teenager. I remember the first time I knew it was an option to date black men. My cousin Sarah and I were in middle school and she had a black boyfriend. I was shocked!
In highschool, black boys gave me the attention the white boys didn't. I was and still am a big girl. White men still pay me no mind. Not that ones I am attracted to anyway.
Almost 17 years I have known my significant other. I wasn't ready for a relationship with him then and never thought he was serious anyway, because I needed a persistent man, to make it known that he was interested. We know each others children, and our children grew up together for the most part. Sharing the same school. Seeing each other around town. Over the years he has pursued me here and there. I didn't ever get that he was truely interested until this last time when he was very direct about it. He said "I would like us to start a relationship with the intention of working toward getting married". Not his exact words I am sure, but the point is correct. It made sense to me since we have always liked each other and his last relationship I watched on FB wishing it would end because I was a little jealous. I was still happy for him, but cursed it in the back of my mind. Mostly because I wanted a man like that, and why can't I find one. Lucky for me that relationship ended and I was given the opportunity to be with the most amazing man. Since he asked me to be his woman with the intention of getting married eventually, I have put every effort into being my best. He makes it so easy to want to be the best person I have ever been that I don't even feel like I am trying. I naturally want to take care of him, because he takes care of me. I feel like there is purpose to my life now and the conversations about life and society and family, I feel there is a purpose we were put together. I have never felt this way about any man in my life and it is quite amazing. I don't know what I would do without him in my life.
My significant other is a black man. I say significant because throughout the last 17 years he has been a part of my life daily, even if he isn't aware of it. I can pinpoint conversations that we've had that have traveled through the last 17 years with me. I can pinpoint insignificant details of our interactions that have carried over into my daily life also. I want to point out that the reason I say 'black' man, is because color is relevant right now.
In all actuality it has been relevant for hundreds of years. For me to say that the skin color is not relevant would be trying to deny the issues that are plaguing America. I would love more than anything to not have to explain that he is black. But I can guarantee you that no white woman with the white husband has to think about or be concerned with the things that I do.
Last night after I came home from my trip, it was late. I showered and slid into the bed next to my man, I wrapped my arms around him and with his head on my chest he fell asleep almost immediately. He is such a beautifully handsome man. His hair was long natural, wrapped in a band. His face was so peaceful looking, dark skin and shiny, some gray facial hair. Perfect lips. I couldn't help but watch him for a while. My heart aches when we are apart, and with any disagreement we might have. I cherish these moments. I want to hold him forever and care for him. I equate the feeling to having a baby and not wanting to ever let go.
I see him and wish that his skin color wasn't an issue for people. I wish people were truly colorblind, or color appreciative. By that I mean I wish we all could appreciate our differences and enjoy them. I wish that he didn't have to be concerned with how other people see him. I wish that he could go into a store and not have to see the woman grab her child and pull the child closer just because of his skin and his hair. It breaks my heart to hear him talk to his son about the extra effort that has to be put in to get what he wants out of a job, just because his son has dark skin and locs. Does he have to talk to his son that way? Yes he does. I've seen the reason with my own eyes. I don't have the experience like they do, and never will. But my eyes are open, and I have seen things and heard things I can never forget, and shouldn't. It hurts. It hurts very much. It hurts in a way that if I never fell in love with this man, I would not feel. His life matters to me! His children's lives matter to me too! Heaven forbid something happens to any of them, wether it be something as small as a funny look they are given, or something more severe, it will affect me. That is what love is!
Love is the most basic emotion. We all have love for someone. Compassion is a part of love. As the human race that everyone thinks we should be, we need to have compassion for each other. To deny that there is a race issue in America is to lie to yourself. My America is a completely different America than what my man experiences. Even though we are different individuals, it shouldn't be that different. So, if all lives matter, where is the compassion for his?
If I can only do something that will help change the world, it will be this. To treat people with the same compassion I would want for myself. To be mindful of others struggles. To not judge and to keep learning, Also, to be the best supportive woman I can be to the man in my life, and set an example for other people. Because he is important to me.
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